“You're twisted as fuck.”
“Because of the whole toothbrush thing?”
“Yes, because of the whole toothbrush thing, you idiot.”
I look down to the floor of the tram.
“I think that's the pen I lost yesterday…”
“It could be.”
“I'm not debating that with you. Can we get back to you lending your ex girlfriend's toothbrush to one night stands, please?”
“I don't see what the big deal is. Sarah was a clean girl. I don't imagine it to be a hygiene thing. Are you worried one of the girls will take it and I will have lost Sarah's toothbrush?”
“No, I'm worried that you may finally have lost it.”
“Do you have that ringing in your ear too?”
“No, Tommy, I don't.”
“I think it's talking to me.”
“Now you're just being a fuckhead.”
I get off the tram and step into my shrink’s office, waving Pat goodbye.
The routine starts and I am asked what’s on my mind.
“What’s on your mind?”
“Well, last night I had a dream about my best friend and his family, you know, Pat?”
“Yes, we’ve talked about Pat before.”
“Ok, well, he picked me up. I pissed all through his car before realising his mum was in the back seat. I apologised, but she was acting strangely. His sister, meanwhile, was in the other back seat taking off her pants. I think the world was about to end or something because she was looking at me the way I look at free beer. She didn't seem put off by getting naked in front of her family either. Pat’s Dad wasn't there, though. He was replaced by a guy from my office. They aren't even the same nationality. I guess the world was ending and whatever, or whoever, in my subconscious writing the scene didn't give two fucks about reality.”
“That sounds interesting.”
“I have a question for you.”
He gave me the you can ask me anything pause.
“If everyone has crazy dreams, then having a crazy dream doesn't mean you're crazy. Otherwise everyone would be crazy. Right?”
“In your case, having crazy dreams is not a symptom of your, what you call, craziness.”
I hated how he moved his fingers through the air like a stapler when he repeated the word 'crazy'.
“So you’re admitting I am crazy.”
“No. I am admitting you dream, all the time.”